As parents we must realize that our kids will fail. That is not the real issue. The question is, what will we do as parents to come along side them in their failure? What do our kids need from us when they mess things up? Now is a good time to remind us of the two pillars of parenting...training and trajectory. We must remember all parenting is a matter of training and rarely is anything of value accomplished in one move. Trajectory reminds us that we must always look to "then" in order to have the proper perspective on how we should "train" now. We are always directing our kids somewhere - good parents do so with intentionality.

Just know that kids fail, and it gives mom or dad a great opportunity for training! Here are some steps to help you be intentional in your training:

Face it head on. Show your kids that failure is not something to hide. We must face failure head on; we should not take it lightly. Often a child's failure seems very insignificant to us as parents; however, we must not take this lightly because it may be an important lesson to learn. At the same time, we should not make a mountain out of  a molehill. Failure is a primary way to learn in life. So, face it, acknowledge it and take responsibility for it!

Show compassion. Failure for kids can come in a thousand different colors. Your job is to offer a little compassion to comfort them in their disappointment or fear or embarrassment. Kids need to feel safe failing in view of their parents.

Frame up the issue. You have a better perspective than your kids. Help them see their failure in light of the big picture. Kids can easily misinterpret the reality of the circumstances. Your job is to help them frame up the issue in light of where they are in life.Share from your own failures when you were there age (this requires some vulnerability - especially as your kids get older). You will be amazed how your failure as the parent makes them feel safer dealing with the issue at hand.

Validate their strengths & worth. When kids fail, they need to hear mom and/or dad validate the fact that he or she still has wonderful strengths and immeasurable worth. We will all trip up along the way, but failure is not what defines us. Often these failures become defining moments that can either reinforce themes of defeat or victory in our kids lives.

Get on with life. Kids certainly need us to comfort them through the pain of failure, but we can't stop there. We must normalize failure and help them get on with life. It is never healthy to wallow in the self-pity of our mistakes. The show must go on! Kids need to learn the skill of getting up when they fall. The failure does not and should not be the final answer on their lives.

Parents, your job is never through and it is rarely simple. Your kids will fail and you will hurt for them. Be proactive and help your kids through these struggles and watch them thrive! 

Parenting is not simple. We can use all the help we can get! For more parenting help, check out the Tightrope series at Highpoint Church. And remember to make each of your 7000days® count!

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 Confession time. When I was in middle school, I was into sports (that's not the confession. Read on). I collected team hats, jerseys and considered being "knowledgeable about sports" a manhood rite of passage. So, my parents let me get a subscription to Sports Illustrated. Though my parents were diligent to screen the mail, I "happened" to visit the mailbox the day IT arrived. That's right, the annual swimsuit issue.

It didn't take me long to determine that these photos deserved to be on display on my bedroom wall (no, I was not very smart). I carefully removed each full page photo and taped them on the wall, just behind the door so they would be unseen when the door opened. I was well on my way to being a "real man." Until my mom came along. Who knew she would actually walk all the way into my room and look around?! It was either later that day or the next (I'm not totally sure), my mom opens the door and simply said, "Take the pictures down" and she left. A little surprised and honestly ashamed, I went about the task of removing each picture from the wall. For the record, I've never had another Sports Illustrated subscription since...maybe I'm not the sports fan I thought I was.

Well, here we are again a few decades later. The Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue is out again. I do appreciate what Sports Illustrated does for sports, but frankly the swimsuit issue is too much for any man remotely concerned about his purity. Parents, take notes here. My mom did what any mom (or dad) should do - she expected more from me than to gawk at scantily clad women. She refused to allow me to become a man that treated women like sex objects. Parents, your job is no different today. You must be heads up. You must not take lightly things like the SI Swimsuit issue.

This is ultimately an issue of respect. We must train our children to have proper respect for themselves, others and, most importantly, Almighty God who made them and calls them to a life of honor. Who knows what the specific issue is going on in your home? I can assure you there is some issue that threatens the respect your kids have for God, others or self. This issue needs to be addressed quickly, clearly and firmly. Just the other day, I reached over and covered the eyes of my eight-year-old son because a Victoria's Secret commercial came on TV. I must physically guard his eyes in order to train him in what it takes to guard his own eyes. I must start now "carving a groove" of purity in my child's heart and mind that holds him accountable to being a respectful and honorable man.

Men, if you happen to take Sports Illustrated, I believe you can "opt out" of the swimsuit issue. I encourage you to. If you feel like you are less of a man if you opt out, you completely misunderstand manhood, in which case I encourage you to watch the Hero series I taught last summer.

Parents, be intentional...you've got 7000days®.

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Yesterday at Highpoint Church I spoke on how we need to be intentional in our parenting. When I interviewed pastor and author Robert Lewis for the 7000Days series a couple of years ago, he had a very good guideline for how to do this..."Go back to the Bible." The Bible is very clear on what a family should be and what the goal of family is. Watch this clip to see. If you missed Sunday's message, I encourage you to watch it here.

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